
When you think of willpower and motivation, what comes to mind? Are they elusive forces you hope will magically appear when you need them most? Or are they tools you know how to wield to get where you want to go? This week, we’re diving into the psychology of motivation and willpower: how they work and how you can make them work for you.
Motivation: The "Why"
Motivation is your reason for doing something. It’s the fuel that gets you started and keeps you going. Think of it as the spark that lights a fire under you to pursue your goals. Motivation can come in two forms:
Intrinsic Motivation: This is the drive that comes from within—a genuine enjoyment or passion for the task itself. Think of a runner who laces up their shoes because they love the feeling of the wind on their face.
Extrinsic Motivation: This is driven by external rewards, like money, recognition, or accountability. For example, someone might hit the gym regularly because they’re part of a fitness challenge with friends.
Both types of motivation are valuable, and most of us rely on a combination. The key is to know what motivates you and how to use it to your advantage.
Willpower: The "How"
Willpower, on the other hand, is the ability to take action even when motivation isn’t there. It’s the muscle that helps you follow through on your goals when your spark has dimmed. But willpower isn’t just about grinding through challenges with brute force. It’s actually a set of skills:
Delaying gratification: Resisting short-term temptations to achieve long-term rewards.
Overriding impulses: Noticing an unwanted thought or feeling and choosing a different action.
Using logic over emotion: Employing a "cool" cognitive system instead of reacting from a "hot" emotional state.
Self-regulation: Consciously guiding your behavior to align with your goals.
Is Willpower Finite or Infinite?
For years, we believed willpower was like a battery that depletes with use. Early research suggested tasks requiring self-control could drain this resource, leaving you with less willpower for the next challenge. But newer studies offer a twist: Willpower might be less about limits and more about belief.
If you think of willpower as a muscle that gets stronger with use, you’ll likely find that you have more of it. In one study, participants who believed willpower was cumulative (not finite) performed better on difficult tasks than those who believed it was limited. So, the next time you tackle a tough task, remind yourself: “The more I push through, the stronger I get.”
Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I can never get anything right"? Or, "Everyone else always seems to succeed, but I don’t"? Those statements might feel like facts in the moment, but what if I told you they’re really just stories—stories you’ve created to explain your experiences?
That’s where narrative therapy comes in.
What Is Narrative Therapy?
Narrative therapy is a way to take a step back from the stories you tell yourself about your life and rewrite them in a way that’s more empowering. It doesn’t mean ignoring the hard truths or sugar-coating reality. Instead, it’s about looking at the same events with a fresh perspective—one that opens the door to new possibilities and helps you move forward.
Think of it this way: your life is a movie, and you’re both the main character and the scriptwriter. Sometimes, you’ve been writing a drama when it could’ve been a redemption arc or even a comedy. Narrative therapy helps you shift the genre of your life story.
The Power of Stories
The stories we tell ourselves shape how we see the world, how we interpret challenges, and how we respond to setbacks. Let’s take an example:
The Old Story
"I’m a person who always fails. If I try something new, I’ll probably screw it up. Everyone else has their act together except me."
This story isn’t just a thought—it’s a lens through which you view everything. You might go into a workout already expecting to struggle or assume a meal prep mistake is proof you’ll never eat healthy.
The New Story
"I’ve faced challenges before, but I’ve learned something valuable from each one. When I put my mind to it, I’ve succeeded, even if it took a few tries. I’m learning to trust my ability to keep improving."
Same person. Same life. Different story.
Why Does This Matter for Motivation?
When we tell ourselves a disempowering story, we lose steam. Why would you feel motivated to take action if you’ve already decided the outcome will be failure?
On the flip side, rewriting the story to focus on growth, effort, and possibility creates energy. It reminds us that setbacks aren’t the end—they’re just part of the plot twist that leads to triumph.
For example, let’s say your heart starts racing during a coaching session or a challenging workout. One story might say, “This means I’m overwhelmed. I’m going to fail again.” Another story could say, “My heart is racing because I’m pushing myself—it’s a sign I’m alive and working toward something exciting.”
How to Rewrite Your Story
Here are some questions to help you reflect on and reshape your story:
Who am I in this story? Are you the hero, the victim, the underdog, or something else?
What’s the plot? Is it a tragedy, a triumph, or a comedy of errors?
What patterns am I noticing? Am I focusing on every mistake and ignoring the wins?
What “rules” am I creating? For instance, “If I don’t do this perfectly, it doesn’t count.”
How does this story end? Are you assuming failure before you even start?
When you catch yourself in a negative loop, challenge it with facts. What actually happened? Could there be another way to view this situation?
Coaching Through Better Stories
As a coach, my role is to help you uncover the stories you’ve been telling yourself and guide you to rewrite them. It’s not about ignoring what’s hard or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about finding the moments of strength and progress within your real story and amplifying those.
For example, if you’re convinced you can’t stick to healthy eating, I might point out the meals you’ve nailed and help you explore what made them successful. Then we’d work together to recreate that success more often.
Or, if you’re stuck on a particular “failure,” I might ask:
What else happened during that time?
What small wins might you have overlooked?
How can this experience inform your next step?
You Can Always Flip the Script
The beauty of narrative therapy is that it reminds us we’re not stuck. We’re always in the process of creating our stories, and we have the power to change them.
So, what’s the story you’ve been telling yourself lately? And what would it look like if you rewrote it into something that makes you feel energized, capable, and ready to tackle what’s next?
Let’s rewrite the story together. It’s time for your next chapter.

Motivation Isn’t a Fairy; It’s a Skill
Finally, remember this: Motivation doesn’t magically appear. You create it through your actions, thoughts, and environment. By pairing motivation with willpower, you’ll have a dynamic duo to help you crush your goals—even when the journey gets tough.
So, what’s one small thing you can do today to take a step forward? Start there. The momentum will follow.
Comments