Have you ever noticed how much the people around you influence your behavior? It’s not just you—humans are wired this way. We learn by watching others, modeling their behavior, and absorbing their values and actions. Our social environment—the people we spend the most time with—plays a huge role in shaping who we are and what we do.
Let’s unpack this idea a bit, starting with a fascinating experiment.
The Bobo Doll Experiment: Proof That We Learn by Watching
In 1981, psychologist Albert Bandura conducted a famous experiment with children and a big inflatable toy called a Bobo doll. He divided the kids into two groups:
One group watched an adult act aggressively toward the Bobo doll—hitting, punching, and yelling at it.
The other group watched an adult play calmly with regular toys while ignoring the Bobo doll.
Afterward, the kids were left alone with the Bobo doll. The results? The children who witnessed the aggressive behavior were much more likely to mimic it—hitting, punching, and yelling at the doll. Meanwhile, the other group played peacefully.
This experiment illustrates something called social learning theory: We don’t just learn from our own experiences; we also learn by observing others.
How This Applies to You
Think about your social circle. Maybe you’ve watched a friend stick to a specific diet and achieve a health goal. You might find yourself thinking, “I should try that too.” That’s social learning in action. You’ve seen the behavior (the diet) and its result (weight loss), and it’s influenced your choices.
But it’s not just about what others do—it’s about how their behavior is reinforced. In Bandura’s experiments, kids were even more likely to mimic aggressive behavior if they saw the adult being praised for it. Similarly, when we see others get positive results for their actions, we’re more likely to try those actions ourselves.
The Three Factors Shaping Behavior
According to Bandura, our behavior is shaped by three interconnected factors:
Cognitive Factors – What we think and believe.
Environmental Factors – Our surroundings and social influences.
Behavioral Factors – Our skills and sense of self-efficacy (whether we believe we can do something).
This triad explains why your actions are rarely shaped by just one thing—it’s a dynamic interplay of your thoughts, environment, and abilities.
Self-Efficacy: Your Secret Weapon for Change
One key piece of this puzzle is self-efficacy—your belief in your ability to succeed at a specific task. It’s like a more focused version of self-confidence. For example, you might feel generally confident in life but doubt your ability to stick to a daily protein shake habit. That’s a self-efficacy issue.
Self-efficacy is task-specific and can shift based on your environment. Maybe you’re great at hitting your step goals on workdays but struggle on weekends. Knowing this, you can make tailored game plans for different situations to boost your confidence and success.
Mastery Experiences Build Momentum
Think back to the last time you tried something new and succeeded. How did that make you feel? Probably confident, excited, and ready to try again. Those little wins—called mastery experiences—are the fastest way to build self-efficacy. Each small success makes you more likely to keep going.
This is why it’s so important to start with tiny, achievable steps. Each success builds momentum.
Your Social Circle: The Five People Who Shape You
You may have heard that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. While that’s not entirely accurate, there’s truth to it. Your social circle influences:
Your values
Your goals
Your habits
Your priorities
So, who are your five people? Take a moment to reflect:
Are they supporting your goals?
Are they contributing to your growth?
Do you need to add new people to your circle who inspire or challenge you?
Want a helpful exercise? Social Support Worksheet
Let’s Talk About “Shoulds”
Finally, let’s address the dreaded “shoulds”: those nagging thoughts that tell us what we ought to be doing based on societal or social expectations.
Here’s the thing about “shoulds”—they’re often rooted in someone else’s story, not your reality. To move forward, focus on what is true for you right now, in this moment. Throw out the “should” and work with what you’ve got.
Final Thoughts
Your social environment is a powerful force. It can propel you toward your goals or hold you back. Take stock of the people and influences in your life. Celebrate the ones who lift you up and reconsider the ones who don’t. And remember: small, steady steps lead to big changes. Start where you are, use what you have, and keep building on every success.
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